Ha…ha…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Yea? Fuck 'em," responds Phillies right fielder Jayson Werth to nothing in particular.

No, as a matter of fact, this is not a map of K2

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Deadball Deadplayer O’The Morn: Jimmy Sheckard

Tis true there ain't much more beautiful and American than a cigarette.

Bio and stats.

Samuel James Tilden Sheckard, unlike his namesake, didn’t fight Tammany Hall norwas he jobbed out of the presidency.

Yet he did lead the fight against low OBP leadoff hitters before anyone even thought to lead such a cause. That’s good enough for me.

Born in Chanceford Township, Pennsylvania, and yes indeed, one of the PA Dutch, Jimmy presumably learned to walk from the Amish  and he never could stop. He died in 1947 after being hit by a car while walking to work in Lancaster, PA.

Jimmy posted a .274/.375/.378 line over 17 seasons in the NL, stretching from a scorching hot SSS start at 18 with the Bridegrooms, through a 181-PA stint with the Reds in 1913, where he posted a hilarious old man line of .190/.343./.250.

The man knew how to get on base. He was the leadoff man and manned left field from 1906-12 for the Cubs at the highest of their peaks, a stretch in which they won 4 pennants and the 1908 Series. In his age 32 and 33 seasons (1911-12), Sheck led the league in walks. He scored 121 times and walked 147 in 1911 to lead the league in both categories, and his line is a fantastic .276/.434/.388.

His biggest pop year was at 22 for the 1901 Superbas (and please someone revive that name for something, perhaps a funk band, purty please), leading the league with 19 triples and slugging .536. He hit grand slams in back to back games that year, a feat not replicated until Phil Garner pulled it off in 1978.

He led the league in homers in 1903 with 9, and in steals twice in 1899 and 1903.

Like any good Dutchman, he was a wideload. Yet it ain’t no thing, not “to a man who walks to base in preference to doing the Cobb stunt.”

Nor was ammonia and shattered glass a problem. You think Milton Bradley’s bad? How about this…

During the melee Jimmy threw something at the young infielder. Infuriated, Zimmerman picked up a bottle of ammonia and hurled it at his assailant. The bottle broke as it hit Sheckard between the eyes, spilling ammonia all over his face.

And that was on the Series winning team! They took their notions of “team chemistry” seriously back then, it would seem.

Yours in history,

Liddicoat Freeman

Please, buy this for me. Immediately.

This. Right here.

I would really appreciate it if someone would buy that for me.

Just look at it.

Even, cream colored fabric.  Well defined typeface.  Subtle racial undertones (overtones?).

I would wear that thing to a wedding.

AND it’s got that whole “my jersey with a half-obscure former player has an interesting (in an NPR sort of way) back story” trendy chipped shoulder thing going for it.

After finishing second in Rookie of the Year voting with the Indians, 28-year-old former Negro Leaguer Orestes “Minnie” Minoso found national notoriety as the speedy left fielder for the 1950s “Go-Go” White Sox.  The first black player on the White Sox, Minoso’s presence on the club forced racially intolerant whites on Chicago’s South Side to reconsider their ignorant prejudices. But, when this didn’t happen because people don’t really do that, the crackers did the next best thing and moved the fuck out of the neighborhood.

Too bad for them (racist pricks) – in his first stint (of five, sort of) as a Pale Hoe, Minoso led the AL in stolen bases three times, made five All Star teams and won one of those special Grammy awards that has a glove instead of a gramophone.  In 1957, Minoso was traded back to Cleveland (where he faced no racial discrimination because, before Larry Doby, Clevlanders had never heard of or seen a black person, and were therefore incapable of perceiving race) where he spent two seasons before finding himself, again, on the White Sox.  Between 1958 and 1961, Minoso made two more All Star teams and won two more Grammys for “Best Spoken Word Album [educational].”

In his prime (which we’ll call 1951-1961), Minoso was a wizard at not making outs, averaging 70 walks-per-season to tack onto a batting average that only three times dipped below .300 (and never below .280), putting up a ten-year-slash line of .305/.395/.471 and a 134 OPS+.  When he wasn’t hitting or base on ballsing, Minoso made it to first by taking more hardballs to the duodenum than anyone in else in the American League.  Between ’51 and ’61, Minoso lead the AL in HBP every year except 1955 (when, for reasons I failed to unearth, he missed about two weeks).  Minoso’s devotion to crowding the plate landed him 9th among all-time HBP leaders.

El Charro Negro’s (Yeah, people called him that.  It translates to “The Black Cowboy” – yeah, he’s clearly cooler than you.) career is held in such high regard, that Bill James ranked him as baseball’s 10th best left fielder and 85th best overall player (ahead of, most notably, Ron Santo, Al Kaline, Brooks Robinson, Greg Maddux, Barry Larkin, Carl Hubbell, Robin Roberts, Carlton Fisk, Kirby Puckett, Ed Delahanty and Billy Williams).  In James’ words:

No one else has Minnie Minoso in the top 100 except Faber, who excluded pitchers and ranked him 91st.  Minoso didn’t get to play in the majors until he was 28-years-old, but had a better career after age 28 than almost any Hall of Fame left/right fielder.  He had a .389 on-base percentage – better than any of the other out fielders in this part of the rankings except Paul Waner (better than Rains, Clemente, Al Simmons, Stargell, Kaline, Ken Griffey Jr. F For that matter, better than Willie Mays or Henry Aaron).  Minoso hit for power, drove in 100 runs like clockwork, was a Gold Glove outfielder and one of the best baserunners of his time [This is a slight oversimplification.  Elsewhere in the Historical Abstract, James more accurately hyperbolizes that Minoso was the most aggressive base stealer of the 1950s, a predictably doubled edged sword.  Minoso lead the AL in caught stealing six times and is 46th overall with 130 failed attempts. - G.K.].  Rate that group of outfielders in terms of power, defense, baserunning, batting average, etc., and I think you’ll see that Minoso more than holds his own.  He led his league at various times in hits, doubles, triples, total bases, hit by pitch (in which he led ten times), sacrifice flies, stolen bases, stolen base percentage, on base percentage, and slugging percentage.  He never won  a batting title, but was second in hitting twice, in the top five, five times.  He was a hustling, aggressive player, immensely popular with fans in both Cleveland and Chicago.  Had he gotten the chance to play when he was 21-years-old, I think he’d probably be rated among the top thirty players of all time.

Daddy, can I have another?

Sooner or later, whenever we talk about hitting, someone will ask me if there will ever be another .400 hitter in the major leagues.  Of all the so-called “sluggers” in the big time today, the only one I can think of who really qualifies in all respects is Minnie Minoso.

- Ted Williams’ head.  In 1955. When it was still on him.

In 1963, Minoso’s numbers plummeted, and within three years he was out of baseball (retiring after his third stint with the White Sox).  So, all in all a great player, shortchanged by racial prejudice, but triumphant (or something) in the end.  So, why are we still talking?  Because, you see, we have to talk about the next chapter in Minoso’s life.  Which means we have to talk about Bill Veeck.

"Who THE FUCK took my shitter-wipes!?" asks White Sox owner Bill Veeck at a recent USO appearance in Korea

As tends to happen when discussing Bill Veeck, this starts out nutty, then gets batshit.  In 1976, at age 50, Minnie Minoso returned to the White Sox courtesy of Mr. Veeck.  In 8 ABs, Minoso eked out a single to become the oldest dude in MLB history to give Bill Veeck a chub.  So strong was his chub, that Veeck did it again 1980, making Minoso just the second Major Leaguer to play in five different decades (the first was the FM Radio sounding Nick Altrock, who I trust Liddicoat will write about in the near future).  That was the nutty part.

In 1993, Saint Paul Saints owner (and likely daddy-complex) Mike Veeck held batters-box show-and-tell with Minoso, selling tickets to see the only player to play professional baseball in six decades.  Batshit, right?

10 years later, he did it again.

So that’s Minnie Minoso.  Played baseball for over 30 years.  Was present for a lot of baseball for over another 30.  All around cool guy.

Please, someone, buy me that jersey.

- Geronimo Kowalski.